If you haven’t read about our IEP experience, I suggest you start HERE first so the rest of this makes sense.
Some comments on my IEP post brought to light a critical irony which I forgot to include in the post:
I INVITED BOBO! (Shaking head in disbelief and shame…)
I had suggested he be invited b/c Nik was not going into the autism program but has definite behavioral components which needed to be part of his IEP. Logic told me that the district psych, the one who would be helping to put those things in place, might be a good person to include. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO WRONG!?
As far as the rest goes, we had actually asked for copies of all the evals and materials in advance so we would go in with an idea of what school was proposing and be prepared with questions, arguments, what have you. I only got anything from the PT. Since the meeting ran so long, our advocate had to leave to take care of her own child. When we asked for the weekend to think on things and “digest” Bobo struck again. When we asked for copies we were told “oh, well it’s all in rough, draft form. We’ll get a copy to you as soon as possible.” Had I not been so shell shocked from the gross rudeness of Bobo, I would have said, “That’s fine. I’ll wait while you make photo copies.” Duh…but I felt like the deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi (truck).
So, in the harsh light of day brought on by ingesting reasonable amounts of ice cream (wink), Niksdad and I have come to some clarity about a few things. First, we will keep Nik in school for one more week. Why? Because we need to get copies of all those documents (even if they are handwritten) so we have something for legal records. Second, we need to get some very important information from the school OT –the results of Nik’s sensory evaluation and her recommendations for specific activities. (Though, I suppose, we could simply get another outside eval done through the hospital.) And finally, we do not want to cause an irreparable rift between us and the school district…we may need them one day.
Sometimes you’ve gotta think with your head not your heart…and it’s hard to do.
Hopefully, we will also get a letter of support (“medical necessity”) from our pediatrician which will eliminate the need for any struggles with the insurance over Nik’s services. Even without it, we will still be able to get services; I will simply have to request home nursing care (which we are eligible for since Nik has a feeding tube and seizures). Our advocate tells me “Watch how fast they jump to authorize his outside therapies! It’s waaay cheaper than providing a nurse!” Hmmm, who knew?!
We have decided that we are going to file a procedural complaint with the DOE. There are too many things which were mishandled for us to simply turn a blind eye because we are leaving. It won’t cost us anything to write a letter and it may help another family who’s been intimidated by Bobo or others of his ilk.
We haven’t yet contacted a lawyer but I imagine we will at some point in the near future. Sigh…
It shouldn’t have to be this hard just to be able to give your child a “normal” experience before he’s required to go through the educational mill.
I have several friends who eventually had to take the lawyer route. Prior to that they’re started off ‘nice’ as you do, lost an academic year, starting making more ‘noise,’ then gave up and hired the legal eagles.
I wish I had something helpful to offer on this one as it must feel like you’re trying double horseback riding, with one foot on each horse.
Best wishes
That adovocate sounds great. You definitely did your homework.
It sounds like you’ll get what you need, although it’s too bad you had to deal with Bobo. I love that name for him! The part where he calls you “Mother” is unbelievable.
Hang in there. I think the ice cream is definitely required, maybe on a daily basis!
It sounds like you’re doing a good job. As an SLP in the public schools I have worked extensively with Bobo and his ilk. I try to be positive, so I’ll also comment that I’ve also worked with some great non-Bobos as well. The point I’m getting to, though, is that in this kind of situation parents have the power.
Many times these processes become far too adversarial, but when you have to work with that kind of jacka**, you have no choice but to speak out. Call his supervisor, file the appropriate greivances. One hint: always ask for the meeting minutes to be read back to you before you sign your agreement and make sure that your concerns have been documented. I would suggest as well, that if it’s difficult to stand up to this kind of creep at a meeting, that you call a recess if your advocate can’t be there. That’s a little bit misery-making, but everyone will live through it. You could be making a difference for more than just your own child. I’ve been through several cycles , at different institutions ( school, hospital, ECI) in which the autoritative “powers that be” could not, or would not come to grips with the kind of programming needed by a student and recommended by staff. Maybe it was homebound services, inclusion, in-class support, modified curriculum, a reduced schedule, getting a re-evaluation, or, once, holding off on an evaluation, you name it. The breakthroughs have always come because parents were persistent, and the breakthroughs always had a ripple effect, often making things better for many students. As for this Bobo problem…I am sorry about that. I hope you find the allies you need in your school system. There’ve gotta be some in there somewhere.
Wow! You have been through a lot!!! I’m sorry to hear what you had to go through with the school; as though having being a parent isn’t challenging enough in itself. It sounds like you’ve gotten some good advice. Another thought for the future: you’re completely within your rights to audio tape these meetings. Just think how Bobo’s tone might have changed had he known he was on tape!