the change comes
fierce and sudden
a raging tornado
in the midst of a placid night
we are sucked into its vortex
the unholy violence of
the blows he rains upon his body
head
face
eyes
shake me to my core
barely small enough
for me to contain
to minimize the damage
what will I do
when he is older
bigger
and I cannot keep him safe
minutes pass
i sense rather than see
the softening of his cheek
the easing of his brow
as suddenly as it came
the storm has passed
for now
he settles
passes out
not so much asleep
as utterly spent
arms flexed
and slightly aloft
as if to grasp
or fend off
an unseen
or unwanted
touch
i weep
shaking silently at his bedside
trying to pick up the pieces
of my battered
shattered spirit
piecing myself together
so the seams don’t show
a quiet prayer
“I love you, bear”
whispered in the shadows
my hand trembles on the doorknob
as I slip out
into the brightly lit hallway
i make my way
reluctantly
downstairs to eat dinner
knowing
I will taste
only bile
and ash
as i wait
for the storm’s return
- Image courtesy of Rhandell Mitchell (http://rhandellmitchell.com)
My heart aches for you and Nik as I read this haunting poem. My prayers are extended.
Sending hugs. Lots of hugs. We love you guys.
my darling
my heart breaks for you
Sending you and darling Nik tons of hugs and peace
Oh honey. It’s the impotence that makes it so hard. Big, long, tight hugs to you both.
oh my heart aches for you both too. Nothing but love and hope for a break in the storm soon.
I hope that storm gives way to sunshine soon. And maybe even a rainbow. Hugs and earlobe rubs to you and Nik.
Praying the answer to this part of your journey rains down soon.
Oh sweetie, your writing is amazing. The love for your boy and the pain is felt through every word. My heart hurts to read this. After seeing you with Nik I can SEE you with Nik in my mind while reading this. Thinking of you. Hugs and love.
Oh, love.
A quiet prayer.
Oh Beth….sending you lots of love and wishes for peace.
Love.