Ain’t nothing gonna slow me down.
And there ain’t no way around it.
Gonna leave it level with the ground.
Ain’t just gonna cross it, climb it, fight it:
I’m gonna take that mountain.
I was born a stubborn soul;
This is just a stumblin’ block;
I’m gonna take that mountain.
—Reba McEntire
I had hoped to post this on the 2nd. But, wow, life keeps coming at me faster than I can duck and dodge lately, it seems. This post has been “in progress” for a couple of days now. Had a few things keeping us on our toes recently, as you may recall!
What, you may ask, is the significance of the 2nd? It was Nik’s 45-monthiversary. Yeah, I know, you don’t usually count the months after they reach a certain age. But since Nik was born, on the second of every month I stop to celebrate the miracle that is my son. (For those of you trying to count right now, Nik was born on December 2nd.)
Last night, after Niksdad and I finished filling out a sensory profile for school (yay, they are finally taking us seriously about the sensory issues!), I sat down and typed out a quick list of some of Nik’s accomplishments over the past couple of weeks. I also did some serious reflecting on where we’ve come together as a family and what Nik has been through as a human being. I got so overwhelmed that I couldn’t write anything
Try as I might, I still cannot bring myself to write in any coherent fashion about the events leading up to Nik’s delivery by emergency C-section or of the 209 day s we spent in the NICU. Sure, I can share the specific statistics of Nik’s weight, length, Apgars (which were 9 and 7), his diagnoses, and his surgeries. I can share funny anecdotes about my son and interactions with other people. What I cannot yet write about —not even for myself — is what I went through. The emotions are too raw. Too real. Too close, still.
How can you capture the essence of one’s personal experience in the aftermath of being told not to plan or celebrate your child’s birth yet beacsue he may not even make it through the night? The implications of receiving such advice are staggering still. There are some things which one cannot write about until many, many years after the fact; I guess this must be one such for now.
In any event, I can —and do joyfully —share the incredible growth of my miracle child. Unlike the last party I threw, this one is full of joy and laughter —and overflowing with love and pride. I hope you’ll join in the festivities!
At one month old, Nik’s feet were a mere 1 ¾ inches long —smaller than the bowl of a common table spoon (not to be confused with a Tablespoon for measuring). His limbs were so small and fragile. Nik’s entire arm was the size of my index finger; my husband’s wedding band fit all the way to Nik’s elbow. He had gone through the first of his numerous surgeries at the tender young age of 19 days. Nik hated to have a wet diaper; one of the first things he learned to do was curl his foot to confuse the oxygen sensor attached to it. When he needed a diaper change, Nik would curl his toes and the nurses would come running to see what the alarms were all about. Even then, Nik was exhibiting some pretty amazing smarts!
Fast forward to today. Nik has been through numerous surgeries and spent way more time in the hospital than any person ever should. To date, he has spent 18.9 percent of his life in a hospital —most of it in one continuous stretch. That doesn’t include outpatient visits or ER trips. Do the math for your own life; if you had spent that much time in the hospital, what would your outlook on life be like? I am continually in awe of my child’s inherent sunny disposition and his utter confidence that he can do absolutely anything. And he can; the boy is unstoppable!
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that Nik has made some amazing strides recently —just surf my recent archives for plenty of examples! Here are the latest in what I hope will be a long, continuous line of “amazing and death-defying feats” from my little monkey:
Nik walks. Perhaps not with elegance or grace but certainly with verve and enthusiasm to spare. He climbs like a monkey! The sofa, the crib, the window sill…
We play so much more than ever before. The joy and laughter are no longer one-sided; when I can engage him, Nik participates fully and joyfully.
Nik is beginning to communicate more with his voice. While the words aren’t there, he makes sounds that are the tonal equivalent of “No” or “Mo-om!” —you know, in that admonishing tone. Same thing for “up” and “out”, both sound similar but he uses them in the correct context quite often He will approach Niksdad and make a “raspberry” when he wants to play with him (the “fart” song I mentioned here). He will hum the tune of “Wheels on the Bus” when he scoots over to be brushed, “Row, Row, Row your boat” when it’s time to brush teeth. He gives kisses now with a smacking of his lips to the air before he tips his forehead to my lips.
And did I mention how smart he is? Seriously. Nik isn’t terribly interested in playing with things “appropriately” but if you give him leeway to explore and examine something? He will figure out how it works in the blink of an eye. Sometimes he doesn’t seem to realize that he has all the information to put his skills to work and then…BAM! Just like climbing out of the crib. And he knows the deadbolt on the front door is the thing that keeps him from getting out. —for now anyway! I am already trying to think two steps ahead to solutions for the day —coming very soon— when he realizes he can open that door to a great big world.
This is so beautiful. Nik has made some amazing progress, and will no doubt continue to do so. From such small beginnings to such a large life.
Thanks for sharing this with all of us. What a heartwarming post!
Happy Monthiversary!
It is exciting to watch him take these leaps and bounds! I think it is great that you are tracking these changes as well. So much of the time we get stuck on what they can’t do that we don’t take the time to appreciate their accomplishments.
And your little tiger is growing and growing and soon to take over the world!
I love how you take the time each month to remind yourselves how lucky you are! Nik is such a special little guy and it looks like he landed in exactly the right family.
And here’s to many more adventures with your stealth monkey.
I have been checking your blog every other day or so…I have to say, never before has a total stranger caught my heart as your little Nik has! I find myself laughing, crying, rejoicing as if he was my nephew or the child of a dear friend. My children even know who Nik is and they ask often if they can play with him sometime. Thanks for sharing this and Happy Monthiversary to Nik!!!
Thanks for coming to our “party!” I think b/c *absolutely* nothing about Nik’s life has been “typical,” we’ve grown accustomed to finding the wonder in every day. It’s kind of funny b/c that definitely was not my mind set in my pre-Nik life. He really has been such a gift to me and how he has shaped my outlook on things.
M2R — that has to be about the nicest comment anyone could *ever* leave! Thank you so much. xo
He was so tiny. I am so happy to read about all the great strides Nik is making. What an awesome little boy you have!!! Happy Monthiversary!
Nik is such a gift, and you both to him. I loved this post – so all-encompassing and so honest. Thank you for more of Nik’s story.
Re: how to write in a coherent fashion about the early days of Nik & the hospital. I’m an avid scrapbooker, and for me, it’s all about telling stories and passing on our legacies to our children, and our children’s children, etc. I firmly believe in telling the whole life, not just the pretty things. But I’m writing you about this because I have come to learn that if it’s not time to write about such an emotionally-charged event, then just trust that. It will be time someday (probably sooner than you know). You will know when the right time is. This one piece of advice about recording some more painful aspects of our history has never let me down yet. 🙂
This generation are going to take the world by storm.
Best wishes
Nik is such a special child and I could feel some of your emotions in this post. There are some things that are deep in our hearts that are hard to put into words.
What I cannot yet write about —not even for myself — is what I went through. The emotions are too raw. Too real. Too close, still.
This is why I bawled my eyes out for almost a half an hour after watching your video of Nik. I placed myself in your shoes and I am so humbled by the amazing mountains that all of you have climbed together.
I am so completely in love with your little Nik because he is like the bumblebee. No one told the bumblebee that its wings are too small to support its large body and that it shouldn’t be able to fly. So, it just does. Hooray for your bumblebee.
I love the fact that you celebrate the fact that nothing about Nik is “typical” – he is a miracle through and through.
Enjoy each day as it comes.
Amazing.
What a special little fella. I always cry happy tears when I read about Nik. He’s such an amazing kiddo and he has such loving parents.
I love the photo with the “shades” Nik is one cool kiddo!
Happy Monthiversary!
What a special little fella. I always cry happy tears when I read about Nik. He’s such an amazing kiddo and he has such loving parents.
I love the photo with the “shades” Nik is one cool kiddo!
Happy Monthiversary!
Happy monthiversary Nik and family!
Last year on Henry’s birthday, I looked for a picture to post. They all made me too sad. Each picture reminded me of how scary that day was, how unlike a “birthday” it felt. Of course we celebrate his birthday, but I also still like to mark the day that we brought him home from the hospital (only 18 days later).
This being a mom stuff is more complicated than we thought. Good thing we all have each other to share it with!
XXOO to Nik!
Your post brought back so many memories. Evan’s stay was over 200 days too. Nik is amazing, and so is his mother. Sending love,