On the road of my life, it sure feels like there are a butt-load of hairpin turns lately. Um the ear thing…still a mystery. I pegged it right about the ENT. So could someone puhleeeeze tell me why my child is still running a fever, still not sleeping through the night, still can’t make it through the day without a 2-3 hour nap (no, the nap is not keeping him from falling asleep; he wakes in the midle of the night screaming in pain), and why the lymph glands behind each of his ears are now swollen…yet he has no ear infection???
Oh, and the blood work…one word. Traumatic. And did I mention the failed hearing test IN SPITE OF NO EAR INFECTION?? (Sorry, I just felt like yelling.) Yup. So now we have to do another sedated auditory brainstem response. Wonderful.
In other happy news, just when I think I’ve made progress with the trusting my decision about cutting school out of the picture entirely, I get phone calls from the insurance company telling me that they aren’t authorizing any more services after the end of the month –at least until we get the legal issues worked out. GAH!!!!!!!!!!
Panic. Overwhelm. Self-Doubt. Anger. Resentment.
Man, I really needed to get to the gym today but couldn’t because of Niksdad’s final exam and Nik’s fever.
So, had I actually had the time to post early this morning (hey, I wrote one but had to scoot out the door for an early OT/PT session for Nik), you would have read this:
Storm clouds burst open last nightand swept away the oppressive heat, the suffocating fears.
Today feels fresh, clean, crisp and new;
The world is the same yet the view is altered.
Autumn temps leave me feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, renewed–
hopeful and excited as a child on the first day of school in my youth.
I wonder, “What will the year bring for me? For us?”
There is a world of new knowledge to be gained, old friends to spend time with;
the comforts of warm blankets on cold nights, hot tea with honey, the breeze ruffling my hair as I walk, leaves crinkling under foot.
The world is changing yet the same. This I can count on.
No longer the feeling of the hot pavement beneath bare feet; the burning sensation which causes me to run and skitter awkwardly just to get over it as quickly as possible.
The autumn coolness invites me to linger and take my time;
to explore and appreciate all the nuances of nature as I watch the earth shed it’s summer skin.
Instead, you get yet another dose of my incessant frustration, my despairing rants. Sorry, this is how the day went… “not with a bang but a whimper.” (With abject apologies to T.S. Eliot.)