If you ever doubt that nonverbal, seemingly “severely autistic” people don’t know what’s going on around them, I’d like to offer this for your consideration:
We saw a particular doctor, a neurosurgeon, several months ago to evaluate Nik’s “mildly tethered” spinal cord. During the appointment, Nik was very focused on the doctor’s stethoscope since he is enamored of all things medical. While Nik played, we discussed his symptoms with the doctor and plotted next steps including ruling out some things. We have not seen this doctor again (yet) since the initial visit.
Lately, Nik’s been having an upsurge of similar symptoms including intractable head pains. He’s also started using his device to ask to see this particular doctor. I, stupidly, assumed he was just randomly naming one of his many doctors.
Until this morning.
I asked Nik, after he had said this doctor’s name a few times, “What do you want the doctor to do?” Nik started answering with his self-scripted litany of the processes involved in taking vitals, etc. We see enough doctors that Nik not only knows the routine but has incorporated it into his play routines. It’s only recently that we realized he only engages in this routine when he feels “off” or needs to soothe himself somehow. Nik became entrenched in this line of pretend play and I didn’t know what to make of it. What was he trying to tell me.
He asked for the doctor by name yet again. Knowing how he might respond if I asked the question the same way as before, I changed my approach, asking him what he wanted the doctor to FIX. His reply blew me away,
“Fix head feel hurt.”
Always, ALWAYS presume competence and understanding. Even when you can’t put the pieces together, they are there. They have meaning even in their seeming randomness. Never give up.
Yes! I’m sorry this beautiful display of competence had to come under such trying circumstances. xoxo to you guys!!
Reblogged this on Dave's (almost) Daily Drivel and commented:
I found this worth the read because it doesn’t just apply to autistic kids but also to all disabled kids and people. Never never assume anything and never never give up. Thanks MI.
Oh, thank you, Dave! Yes, exactly!
Thanks for this post. I’ve reblogged it because it sums up an important part of being a parent of a disabled kid: never underestimate them, leave that to the others, it’s our duty not to set limits.
Wow.
Nonverbal does not mean uncommunicative, go Nik, good for you for knowing what you might need. Much love.
Happy to hear that he was able to ask you for what he needed. Wishing you and him all the best.
Yes. I love that you found a way to ask the question differently, to pull out what was really on his mind. I hope he is feeling some relief. xo